Remembering 9/11/01

I can so vividly recall the morning of September 11, 2001. It was an absolutely beautiful day, clear blue skies, just a bit of a hint of fall crispness in the air. I was at my cubicle on the 8th floor of my office. That morning one of our interminably long and tedious senior staff meetings was scheduled. A bit before 9 a.m., someone came in and said "A plane hit the World Trade Center in NYC" - my first thought was surely he means a small plane and it's just an accident. Then we all hit the internet and soon got the news that another plane - and these were big, commercial passenger planes, not the little planes like I initially thought - had hit the WTC. This was not an accident. It was the beginning of a whole different USA.

We anxiously followed the news, the internet slowed to a crawl, phone lines were hard to come by. We heard there might be other planes that'd been hijacked. I learned my sister Jennifer, with 2 year old Aly at home, was in fact on a plane herself, headed to Las Vegas for work. We were panicked at the possibility that her plane might be hijacked too. Indeed the plane that crashed into the Pentagon was out of Dulles, a flight to LA. It probably left nearly exactly the same time as Jennifer's flight. Eventually we heard from her - all planes across the country were told to land wherever they were. She landed in the Midwest, safely. Relief. Once she and her co-worker landed, it took them a day or so to be able to get a rental car (they were all snapped up) and then drive home. Jennifer had a different 9/11 experience than we did. We had that brief time where we feared one of our own family members might actually going to be part of this tragedy - I don't think Jennifer knows how really panicked we were for her safety.

That morning, our building was evacuated due to a bomb threat - perhaps this was just rumors gone wrong, I'd guess, not any true threat. I remember being outside in the parking lot, trying over and over again to get a line on my cell phone so I could call Tod to make sure he was okay, and to get reassurance that everything would be okay. He was working for Lockheed Martin in Springfield at the time, and had an overnight shift the night before - he would have gotten home after I'd left for work. We were engaged to be married that December. My calls went unanswered because he was sleeping - I called over and over before he finally called me back. He had no idea what'd happened. It was unreal. Hard to believe.

A bit later in the morning, I learned that my stepfather Jim, as part of his work with the Fairfax County Urban Search & Rescue Team, was called to help at the Pentagon. He spent a couple of days there helping to coordinate the search efforts. From there he went to NYC. I wish either of these had been rescue missions, not recovery missions. I can't imagine the things he saw. So many lives lost, so much destruction. What we owe to our fire fighters, our EMTs, our rescue personnel. It can't be overstated. And to think how many of those folks are and continue to suffer, how many have even died, probably as a direct result of what they breathed in and were exposed to in that disaster of a rubble pile. It is heartbreaking.

When the team returned from New York, there was a big gathering to welcome them home. Everyone got hugged a little tighter. We know knew for sure what could be lost. What so many had lost.

The day after 9/11, our community had a gathering on the town hall green. There were candles. There were tears. It was all we could do.

Never did we think this kind of thing would happen in America. Sure, there had been the Oklahoma City bombing, but that seemed like an outlier - one crazy guy who did a bad thing. We never believed this kind of large-scale attack could happen to us. And it did happen to us. All of us. Every American, whether they had no direct connection to any of it, whether they lost a loved one, whether they were supposed to be in one of the fallen buildings, whether they were on the planes, whether they died in the buildings. It happened to all of us. We will never be the same after having lived through that day. We could put ourselves in the places of those people who probably knew that they were about to die a horrible, fiery death. In the places of those incredibly brave people who overtook the hijackers and made sure their plane crashed into a remote area instead of whatever its target was. We heard many of their 911 calls. It was vivid. It was heartbreaking. We watched those planes crash into the towers, over and over and over and over again on TV.

It was all just too much. Too much sorrow. Too much fear. Too much pride at how, at least for a day or two, our country came together.

It is strange to think about the fact that Reed and Amy will only know a post-9/11 world. Their frame of reference tells them that indeed they are not totally safe living here. We never felt that way before 9/11. I am grateful, though, that they weren't around to have lived through that day. It has left a mark on everyone in our country who was old enough to understand what was happening.

Music is such an important part of my life. It's how we often tell our stories, it's how we connect. When I think of that day, two songs come to mind. The first, by Alan Jackson, was written soon after the attack and first performed at an awards show in November that year. It still gives me goosebumps and makes me cry to hear it.

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin' against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white and blue
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters?

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
You the difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty 'cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
Did you dust off that Bible at home?

Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Or go out and buy you a gun?
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns?

Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
Did you stand in line and give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love?

And the greatest is love.
And the greatest is love.

I'm not really religious myself, but having grown up going to church, I can very much appreciate the comfort offered by faith. Hearing the song now, I cringe a bit at the line about not knowing the difference between Iraq and Iran - we were largely a country of people who were ignorant of so much of the rest of the world. After that day, never again would we discount the unrest happening in far-flung places - we need to know at least a little about it.

The second song is Radney Foster's "Everyday Angels", which in its entirety is a beautiful and special song giving credit to unknown heroes. The last stanza is about a NYC firefighter who was off work on 9/11 and going to celebrate his wedding anniversary with his wife, but heard the call, and answered it, never to return.

Dave was gonna meet his wife at a coffee shop in Brooklyn,
When he heard the alarm sing out.
911, he was running up stairs that he never got back down.
Down, down.

He was an everyday angel, earnin' his wings,
Trying to save people who are just like you and me.
Angel, living out love.
The kind of people we could use a lot more of.
An everyday angel, everyday angel.
Everyday angel, everyday angel.

I'll never forget that day, as long as I live. Thank you to everyday angels.