Amy stepping it up

Amy's been doing tae kwon do at Top Kick for three and a half years now, and it's been really great for her. She's "graduated" to the next belt level each semester she's been enrolled. Now that she's worked her way up the ranks, however, things are getting tougher.

Amy is now a red stripe belt. Next stop...black belt. Apparently this is where things get serious at Top Kick. They require you to go to extra classes each week (beyond the usual 2 classes) and also attend a black belt test prep class on Saturday mornings. Amy diligently attended the necessary 24 classes and went for the black belt pre-test. It was a hard test. A really hard test. It was held on a Friday night and lasted about an hour and 20 minutes. And that was non-stop exercising. No messing around. It was all about stamina and determination. Amy worked so very hard, but came up a little short on the test. It was tremendously disappointing for her, especially since it was the first time she'd ever failed at tae kwon do. It was really hard for her and also very hard for us to watch - we knew she'd worked so diligently and to see her not rewarded was sad. We all understood where her weaknesses were during the test, and knew it was fair that she didn't pass. That didn't make it any less disappointing for her, though.

After this happened we weren't sure how Amy would react. We were afraid that she'd be so discouraged that she'd want to quit altogether - she's been wanting to try something different lately anyway. We managed to convince her to go to a class a few days after the test, but we had to resort to a bit of bribery. But she did it, and felt better for it. Then we took a week off. It was a little tough to get her to go back again but she did it. Now she seems resolved to work toward her black belt again. I believe in her and know she can do it, now that she knows more clearly what to expect from the testing process, which was very different from any past testing she'd done.

I don't think anything can stop her if she puts her mind to it. We're rooting for her!

The birthday bash, etc.

The birthday festivities outside the movie theater.

For Reed's "kid" party, he wanted to go to the movies with some friends. He tried to hold out for the second "Hunger Games" movie, but couldn't wait that long so he settled on the sci-fi movie "Ender's Game." After some schedule crunching, we finally found a date that all three of the friends he wanted to invite - Robbie, Harrison and Matthew - could attend. Tod picked them up right after school on a Monday, and off they went.

They saw the movie at a relatively new theater chain in our area called Alamo Drafthouse. We've been there once on a date and once as a family, so Reed knew the drill. At Alamo, you actually eat your meal during the movie - and of course have popcorn too. Outside Alamo there's a play area that the boys took full advantage of after the movie – Tod left them to their fun for more than 45 minutes before rounding them up for home. Then, because he's working on that Dad of the Year prize, he stopped at McDonalds for McFlurries on the way home.

Reed was beside himself when he got home – "Mom, we had SO much fun! I think half the fun was playing outside after the movie. And half the fun was the ride home. And half the fun was the movie! And half the fun was the ride there!" I said "It sounds like you had twice the fun, then!" and he agreed. It was terrific to see him so happy with how his birthday turned out.

Something new this birthday was that Reed really didn't want to know what he was getting for his gifts. And that's gone even further with Christmas coming up – he wants to generally say he wants Legos, and let people pick them out for him so he'll be surprised. This year's birthday was so spread apart, he was able to spend some birthday money before he'd even gotten his family gifts. He struggled because he wanted to shop and wanted me to redirect him if he was leaning toward buying something somebody had already bought him, but then that'd let him know what he was getting. It's kind of interesting that it's gone this way. Of course his "generic" Christmas list includes "new computer" which is also a whole new level of gift requesting!

Something Reed's been doing lately that's perplexing to me is going to bed early. Yes that's right I said going to bed early. What?!? He told me the other day that it's his time to sit and think, while he listens to his podcasts. He's not getting up crazy early like he sometimes used to (partly because of the switch to or from daylight saving time [I can never remember which way it goes]) either. He just goes to bed a half-hour, sometimes more, sometimes less...early. We don't question it!

OH! And one more thing...Reed is doing a new thing where he says things like "Someone definitely didn't win the class geography bee" and I say "Huh?" because I didn't now anything about a class geography bee. And he'll repeat it and I'll very directly say "Are you telling me you won your class geography bee?" Then we went back and forth with questions and answers about the geography bee and then the conversation is done. And then 15 minutes later he says "I can't believe Mom believed that I won the class geography bee!" and then I'm ready to strangle him because I have no clue that the truth is. What a nut. I don't know what it's about – is he playing around feeling powerful because he knows something that I don't? Who knows, it's crazy! And so yes...he DID win his class' geography bee, and this Wednesday he'll participate in the 4th and 5th grade geography bee – hope he does great!

A growing-up birthday

Some tween in our house turned 11 yesterday, on 11-12-13. It was a different kind of birthday for sure. This 11 year old was laid-back, low-key...maybe not wanting to show his excitement much or draw too much attention.

I think Reed enjoyed his big day, which began with presents even before breakfast, as has become our tradition. Then after school it was his choice for dinner, which was a trip to Five Guys for burgers and fries, followed by a trip to Kule-Yo's for frozen yogurt piled with all sorts of gummy candies he knew would get all tough to chew as they get cold. There were expressions of happiness at different points throughout the day, but that little-kid-I-can't-believe-it's-my-birthday-it's-the-greatest-day-ever exuberance? It was nowhere to be found. Growing up! Reed told Tod recently that he'd been kind of embarrassed to ask his long-time pal Harrison Lindsey if he still played with Pokemon cards. He took the chance and found Harrison was just as excited about Pokemon cards as he still was. It's a tough age to be – you want to be a big kid but the supposed "little kid" things are still pretty darn fun. I can remember when I was probably 11 or 12 (maybe older!) I'd packed all my Barbies away in the basement, but still snuck down there from time to time to play with them. Couldn't be seen with them in my room, but I was still drawn to them.

Gone are the days when we have to fight Reed to take a shower each day. Long gone are the days (oh those interminable days!) when we had to fight to get him to use the bathroom ("But I don't have to go!!!" followed by...well, going a really lot). He's had some blow-ups recently over new chore assignments, but after the initial storm, he's been pretty good about actually doing the chores. He grumps about homework sometimes but the majority of the time he gets that it's a necessary evil and he's got to get it done. Back when he was playing baseball three years ago, it was a real chore to get him to get his uniform on and gather his stuff, much less actually get out the door...now when it's time for flag football, he gets ready and is raring to go. There's been a lot of growth and maturity in him lately, even though he jokes that he's less mature than most kids.

It's been so wonderful to see Reed grow and change so far, and I'm fascinated to see what kind of person he turns into. He's a pretty awesome young man.

How many more times?

Bedtime for Amy this year in third grade is 8:30 p.m. and for Reed in fifth grade is 9 p.m. So I stay up later than them, but not by much. (I usually aim to go to bed at 10 p.m.) Each night I still kiss both kids as they sleep, when I'm on my way to bed. I wonder how much longer that'll be the case? I think it won't be long before Reed is staying up later than me. From time to time, Tod and I reminisce about the old days when the kids were both in bed at 7:30 p.m. That gave us so much "free" time to ourselves in the evenings! So now we get more time with the kids, but less time to ourselves to watch TV or whatever it is we do as boring grown-ups. It's the extremely rare occasion when we'll watch a movie after the kids have gone to bed, even on a weekend...when you can't start the movie until after 9, it's hard to talk yourself into staying up late enough to watch it! Heck we hardly have time to watch an hour-long TV show as it is.

It's hard to imagine that it won't be long before the kids will even be staying out until close to the time when I'm wanting to go to sleep. What then?!? Or when they want to stay our until AFTER the time I want to go to sleep! Ay yi yi! I guess we all have time to adjust before then.

Getting deep

This post is kind of random and weirdly organized so keep that in mind. I tried to wind it all together but I'm not sure I was so successful!

Growing up, both Tod and I attended church regularly. Well I guess I should amend that slightly to say that once Mom and Jim got married (I was 10), I attended church regularly. For me, it was semi-torturous. The church we attended, Sterling Park Christian Church, had a small congregation (even smaller now) and I was not fond of the pastor's style of preaching. He was a screamer, and in my mind, religion should have been something loving, not something angry. He also did a lot of literal dissections of the words of scripture, which I got nothing out of. But I dutifully went to church as required every Sunday, dragging myself out of bed to make it to church at the "early" hour of 11 a.m. I made a lot of trips to the bathroom during the service.

When I got married the first time around, when things started going badly, I started attending Leesburg Baptist Church. The pastor there, Alan Stanford, was terrific. His messages were about kindness and love and how the messages in the Bible could be applied in real life situations. Sometimes I felt like his sermons were meant just for me, they hit so close to home. As I went through my divorce, I met with Pastor Stanford a couple of times and it was really helpful to me. I was grateful to have that church home that made me feel less lost in the world. It was really there for me at the right time. However Dr. Stanford left the church for a job with a national Baptist organization, and I never felt the same connection at the church after that, so I stopped attending.

I was so grateful, though, that when Tod and I were preparing to get married, I was able to contact Dr. Stanford and he was available to do our premarital counseling and officiate our wedding. It felt like coming full circle.

As I said, church wasn't a great experience for me growing up. As I've gotten older, I am less and less inclined to believe or subscribe to the Christian faith. There just doesn't seem to be the science to support it. Not that I've studied it extensively but as I understand it the New Testament was written between 15 and 70 years after Jesus' death. That long after something has happened, who remembers it accurately? And then add in multiple language interpretations...how accurate could it be? I have also read that some parts of the Bible might have been written in a way that it would fit prophecies. I don't pretend to know a lot but what I do know makes me skeptical.

So for me, I just try to live a kind life. I wouldn't ever begrudge anyone their faith – I think church and religion are a tremendous support for a lot of people and that's great. If there is a God I hope I won't be judged too harshly for not believing in him/her. And I reserve the right to change my mind. But honestly I don't believe in an "afterlife" other than my belief that when you're gone, you live on in the hearts of the people who loved you.

I get that there's a tremendous sense of community when you belong to a church and I wonder if we're doing our kids a disservice by not attending church. Ultimately I want them to make their own decisions about religion, but I'm really not giving them any information about it as they're growing up, am I? And is there value in the regularity and predictability of ongoing church attendance, even aside from "salvation"? I'm sure there is. I hope we're providing Reed and Amy with that sense of community in other ways – through scouting, for example.

One thing that I've realized as I've grown up is that the traditional gospel songs I listened to (and occasionally sang along with) in church are now comforting sounds from my childhood. I don't particularly ascribe to the messages of the music, since I'm not really a believer, but nonetheless the music feels a bit like an old friend. I have some country/bluegrass gospel music on my iPod and if one of those old standard hymns comes on, like "What a Friend We Have in Jesus," or "Wings of a Dove," or "Amazing Grace" comes on, they have a calming effect. Though the singing in that old Sterling Park Christian Church wasn't terrific (in fact at times it was downright awful! but it was heartfelt), it definitely is dug in to my memory. I worry a little bit that the kids won't ever have those same comforting feelings about hymns. Or perhaps they'll make it to that feeling all on their own one day.

(Don't get me started on the "contemporary" worship services that are popular now, though – I can't stand that music! Way too cult-y sounding for my tastes.)

Well I guess that wraps it up. All over the map but some things I wanted to get "out there"!

Join Girl Scouts!

On Monday I was driving the kids home from CASA and Reed noticed the signs around the school that said "Join Girl Scouts – 7 p.m. tonight!". He said "Amy, you should join Girl Scouts."

What?

I said "Amy's been a Girl Scout since kindergarten! What did you think the Daisy and Brownie meetings were all about?"Apparently he thought it was all related to tae kwon do somehow.

As the kids would say, SMH (shaking my head).

Then I thought about it a little more and realized that we never really call it Girl Scouts - it's always been "Brownie workshop" or "Daisy meeting", never a "Girl Scout meeting". Plus the way Girl Scouts work is so different from the way Cub Scouts has worked – there really aren't any family events that our troop has participated in. Amy's gone to many Cub Scout outings, campouts, and Pack meetings. Reed hasn't gone to a single Girl Scout event.

So I guess it isn't all that outlandish after all that Reed didn't know Amy was a Girl Scout!

P.S. It seems to me that Cub Scouts is organized in a much more family-friendly way than Girl Scouts is. [Well, other than their anti-gay stances, which I am strongly against.] It feels like Cub Scouts is an activity that frequently involves our whole family, not just our Scout or not just our Scout and one parent. I really like that. So far our Girl Scouting experience has been entirely about either just our Scout or our Scout and a parent - as a result, our involvement in Girl Scouting feels so much more limited.

Tough choices

This past Sunday, we said farewell to our dog Bobby, and returned him to the rescue group we adopted him from nearly three years ago. From the start, he was challenging. On the very first day we got him, having no previous attachments to our kids, he would totally flip out when they went outside to play - he would run from window to window trying to keep his eyes on them. That behavior issue calmed down for the most part, but others remained, and new ones came along. He was always aggressive when we'd pass other dogs when we were out walking - with the help of a professional dog trainer, this issue improved but it never completely went away. Bobby also nipped at ("bit" is a small stretch) people in our home at least three or four times - each time totally unprovoked and without warning or explanation. He would also take any available opportunity to run out our front door if there was a dog outside anywhere near our house. It was scary for the person just trying to walk their dog, and it was scary for the dog, and it was scary for us. I lived in constant worry of the kids not shutting/latching the front door and Bobby going after dogs. When this happened, he would act aggressive to the dogs, but wasn't truly trying to hurt them - because if he'd want to, he certainly could have.

About two months ago, we had another incident of this behavior - probably the third or fourth time he'd gone after this same neighbor and her dog - and we decided we just couldn't do it anymore. We made the very difficult decision to return him to the adoption agency we got him from. We just don't have the time or energy to devote to the kind of training he needs, and could no longer take the very real chance that he'd bite someone seriously. I hope we've made the best decision for all involved. After all, this is the same dog who followed Tod out the bedroom window and onto the snowy roof of our garage...and then fell off, thankfully cushioned by the snow, and uninjured.

Something just wasn't right about Bobby. I hope his next owner can take the time to help him be comfortable in his environment, and live a long and happy life. And I hope the kids (and Shelby) will adjust okay. So far, Amy has taken it hardest - he was her favorite - but she seems a little better each day.

Already I feel like our house is an entirely new place. I am much less stressed now that I don't have to worry about Bobby running out the door, going totally NUTS if someone walked by or knocked on the door, or biting one of the neighbor kids if they happen to come in the house without me knowing it. And now we can have the kids walk Shelby, since she's totally manageable - this part is fantastic!

I hope the kids won't have long-term resentments about this. It's hard to convince them that it's the best thing for all of us, though I do think they 'get it' at a certain level. I remember we had a family dog. a mutt named Buffy, when I was younger than they are, and then we got a second dog, a black lab named Ebony. Ebony 'attacked' Buffy, and then Ebony 'went to live on a farm'. Of course I can't ask my Mom now what really happened, but that's how I remember it. I wonder if Ebony was put down (one of the options mentioned for Bobby), but honestly I don't want to know. It's better to think she really did find a new, better home.

So here's to many happy years for Bobby, wherever he ends up.

It's as if his brain has been on standby all summer....

As I wrote earlier, Tuesday was the first day of school and it appears that has woken Reed's brain up. I guess all the video games and podcast listening over the summer might have made his brain a bit mushy. He spent over an hour working on this drawing after he got home from school. It includes a bunch of different, very detailed video game characters, which he looked up on the computer to be sure he got them just right. And later he logged some time building with his Contraptions building set, which has been sitting untouched for the entire summer.

And all this despite the fact that he came down with a cold the night before school started, didn't sleep that well, and was still pretty congested.

Last night he played for quite a while, setting up an elaborate scene with a bunch of different Lego sets (which also had been untouched for the entire summer).

Now where can we sign up for year-round school?

Hooray for school!

One happy camper waiting
for the bus to Camp Crossroads
(AKA Harry Potter camp).

Thank goodness school started again today. It's been a really long summer! It was especially long, 2 weeks longer than usual due to changes in the school start date. For me the summer was totally discombobulating because we did so many different camps and the kids were going in different directions as often as not. This isn't a way of life that works well for me personally, and really not for any of us. We do better with regular routines.

The kids did a few weeks at their usual CASA summer camp (much hated by Reed). A couple weeks at Quantum Leaps, the in-home day care. Reed did a week at video game camp (seriously). Both kids did a week of tae kwon do camp. Reed did a week of flag football camp. Amy did two weeks of Girl Scout camps. I was also fortunate enough to telework two days each week so the kids could stay home those days if they chose to. And we ended the summer with a week's vacation in Daytona Beach and Savannah, followed by a week at home. All in all...I think we made great choices, but I will be glad to get back to a regular, steady routine.

Monday night we had our traditional Breakfast for Dinner Back to School Pancakes...I'm so glad we started this when Reed went off to kindergarten. I don't remember if it was a conscious thing that we'd make it a yearly tradition, but I'm so glad it has become one. I think we all look forward to it. And last night Amy said "It's the last time you'll make a '3' pancake, Mom"....awww! But she also said she will continue this tradition with her own kids one day. I hope so!

We had a bit of a rough start this morning because Shelby chewed up Amy's new friendship bracelet she got from our neighbor Layla. Shelby did this literally a minute before Amy was looking for the bracelet to put it on for the day. But thankfully she recovered quickly (though she still hasn't forgiven the dog) and we were all smiles and ready to go to school!

Here's to a great 2013-2014 school year!

Working on that "Dad of the Year" nomination

Earlier this year, Reed told us that for spring break, he thought we should go to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. While I'm a bit interested in seeing it, the prospect of spring break in Ohio didn't sound all that exciting and we weren't too sure that it'd be worth the 6+ hour trip. 

Then I had the brilliant idea that Tod could take Reed to the annual Hall of Fame game in August. It'd be a trip kind of like what Amy and I went on a couple of years ago to see a Cowboys game in Texas. And as luck would have it, we learned the Cowboys would play the Dolphins in this year's HOF game. Still not enough to convince me to go, though...preseason football just isn't my thing. But we knew Reed would enjoy the experience. 

The boys left on Saturday morning and made it to Canton by dinnertime. The hotel had an awesome pool with water slides and everything. They went to a movie that night (more bonus points for Dad). On Sunday they went to the HOF itself and really had a good time. Near the stadium, they were able to get an autograph from an actual HOF-er, Larry Little. Cowboys won the game, and the boys headed home the next day.

I think this is part of a plot for Tod to win Dad of the Year. I'd like it noted for the record that it was all my idea. :)

There's hope for them yet

As a parent, sometimes you wonder if your child will ever become self-sufficient. Therefore I consider it a minor (but important) victory that Reed has reached the age when he can (and will) independently refill the toilet paper. We're not totally there yet, because if there are no replacement rolls to be found, that's as far as his effort will go. But still! Progress!

Nature vs. nurture

Amy really likes to know exactly what is going to happen, and when. Down to the nth detail. If she can be the one actually making the plans, then all the better. A person might think about that and say "Well, Lara, it seems to me that you are an awful lot like that too." And that person would be correct.

The thing is...I don't remember being like that as a kid, I really think that's something I grew into as I've gotten older. I wish I could ask my Mom if I really was like this as a kid, because as far as I can remember, I was clueless and (mostly) went with the flow.

Maybe it's because Amy's life is so much more scheduled than mine was at the same age. Perhaps that's led her to this constant need for order in her activities. All we know is that it's best to explain to her just how things are planned to go: when we'll leave, how long it will take to get there, how long we'll stay, who will be there, what we'll do while we're there. I have read that kids who want to always know the schedule are ones who may feel like they don't have a lot of control in their life, and it helps settle them if they are prepared. This makes a lot of sense, since kids have very little control over where they go on a daily basis.

Let me tell you it can get a little monotonous to answer question after question (after question after question). But we will do our best to answer with smiles and help Amy to be prepared as she goes through the world.

The apple...doesn't fall far from the tree.

Never thought I'd have to say this...

....but since summer has started, I've had to tell Reed "You need to READ!"

You read that right. It's crazy, I am totally shocked that it's come to this.

And I blame podcasts. He's strung out on them.

I have to admit that I gave him his first podcast...

"The Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd" is a podcast in the style of old-time radio, each segment 5 minutes long, telling the "wacky tales of the World’s Most Brilliant Scientist, Dr. Floyd, as he races through history, hot on the heels of his arch nemesis, Dr. Steve." And he was instantly hooked. He very quickly burned through all 800+ episodes of the show.

Tod and I both listen to podcasts - I tend toward comedy and news, he tends toward tech-related and sometimes news. I think we both listen to podcasts pretty much every day during our commutes. So we can't argue their entertainment value - there are so many and they are so specific, you can really find something that perfectly suits your interests.

So Tod introduced Reed to the "It's Super Effective" Pokemon podcast. And now we find ourselves in this position of having to tell Reed to read.

The big difference between Dr. Floyd and this podcast is time. Some of these Pokemon podcasts are apparently hours (with an 's'!) long. Reed is enjoying them so much that he's listening to them almost to the exclusion of everything else in his free time.

Yes, he does go outside, yes, he sleeps, yes, he eats...and then he pretty much listens to this podcast. He's been getting up early (we're talking 5:15 a.m., as opposed to his usual early hour of 6 a.m.) to listen to it, he falls asleep listening to it (except when he can't fall asleep because "it's too exciting!").

So I've resorted to this. Having to tell Reed to read. It's like we have to tell him to breathe. It's very foreign and hard to understand.

I'm just hoping the obsession will pass before too long. It feels like a piece of his personality is missing if he's not reading a ton every single day. I guess maybe it's a part of growing up, but this is not something I wanted to change about him.

Gotta think of ways to distract him...

Where did the school year go?

Start of the school year on the left, end on the right.
The perspective is not quite the same, but you can definitely see how much Reed has grown this year!

Well another school year has come and gone. Why did it fly by so quickly?!

Reed has his best school year yet - he got A's all year with the exception of one single B a the start of the year. His overall grades for the year were straight A's. Way to go, Reed! Of course he still has those pesky N's (as in Not meeting standards) in handwriting and needs to work on his organization, but what are you gonna do.

Reed has matured a bit as a student, but I think much of this year's success was due to the fact that he hit the teacher lottery this year. Ms. Coughlin and Ms. Sgroi were both FANTASTIC and they really 'got' Reed. When he would write something goofy on the back of his paper, they'd make a joke right back to him. How cool is that? He really connected with both of them, and it was wonderful. When he turned in a paper without putting his name at the top, they knew it was his by the messiness. Okay so maybe that's not the greatest example. It was terrific to know that his teachers really engaged with and enjoyed him. Tod says they say that about all their students but I disagree. This was genuine. Unfortunately both teachers are leaving the school so my hopes for Amy to get them when she gets to fourth grade are dashed. Sigh. Fourth grade means Virginia studies, which Ms. Sgroi taught. She was very impressed with how engaged Reed was on this subject, and we were glad to be able to connect that history with real life by visiting Jamestown and Williamsburg over spring break. Overall, I'd love to have an exact repeat of fourth grade next year. It was a good one.

And about Amy...she is such a terrific student. She really cares about her school work and makes a big effort with everything she does. Though from time to time I think she also suffers from the same ailment that Reed does: "Let-me-get-this-work-done-so-I-can-get-back-to-reading"-itis. Amy's grades were excellent all year long. She seemed to enjoy her second grade teacher Mrs. Maynard, and I think picked up a lot of good habits this year. For instance, Mrs. Maynard read a chapter book to the kids every day during their morning snack time, and she used different voices for different characters and really focuses on intonation. Amy has picked that up and when she's reading out loud to us, she clearly enunciates and gives life to her words. It's very cool to see. Okay now that I'm thinking about it, this probably also comes from the frequency with which Amy listens to audiobooks (i.e. ALL.THE.TIME). But back to school, this year Amy learned how to write in cursive, which she was so thrilled about. Her handwriting is stellar in print and in cursive. There were a few grades during the year that Amy was disappointed with, but I think that comes from the fact that Mrs. Maynard is a pretty tough teacher, and Amy is pretty tough on herself too. Amy's work was fantastic and we're so proud of her.

Now that summer is in full swing, I'm already anxious about their next school year. Everyone talks about how important fifth grade is as a transition to middle school (okay they say EVERY grade is incredibly important for one reason or another). But mostly I just want them to have teachers that are a good fit for them, who understand them, challenge them, and reward them when they earn it.

"Boy" friends

Amy with some of her buddies in February –
school and tae kwon do classmates TJ on the left,
Brandon and Ajax on the right. 

Amy really seems to get along with pretty much everyone. But it seems like her best pals have been boys more often than not. Even in preschool, Justin was one of her closest pals, she'd pick him up and carry him around. In kindergarten, twins Erik and Brandon were buddies, along with (the impossibly adorable) Peter F, who continued to be her pal in first grade. Now in second grade, she's had a lot of fun with Matthew, who's a really smart boy in her class. They both love to read, especially Harry Potter. Brandon from first grade is in her class too, and they get along really well. In kindergarten when Amy, Brandon and Erik started asking for play dates together, the twins' mom was a little unsure what to do. We were all kind of like "well, I guess there's nothing wrong with it!" – honestly I didn't think anything of it, but it was a bit new for a mom of two boys. She's had play dates at Matthew's house too, where they started on a draft of a Harry Potter sequel, to star Harry and Ginny's daughter Lily.

All of this is wonderful, but I worry about how Amy is going to take it when these boys decide that girls are icky and they don't want to hang out with her anymore. But maybe they'll be a little more enlightened and that won't happen...I hope! She will be really hurt if they start rejecting her – we are hoping that won't kick in for a while, and who knows maybe she'll be feeling the same way, that she 'should be' playing more with girls.

Meanwhile I really don't think that Reed has ever really been friends with a girl! Doesn't even occur to him. Maybe that's why the parents of the boys Amy is friends with get a little confused by the whole thing – it's kind of unusual. I think it says a lot about Amy that she can get along with boys and girls alike. She has common interests with both, but I think she probably appreciates the fact that there's less drama with boys.

Hopefully Amy will keep these "boy" friends for quite some time!

A whole new (digital) world....

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you  

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

'Aladdin' had it right. It's a whole new world we're parenting in, and we're the first ones through this particular endless diamond sky.

Technology is ever-present in our lives.

For one thing, I cannot even imagine what I would have done with an iPod as a kid. AMAZING. These kids will never not have ALL of their music in their pocket. Can you believe that!? What a treasure!

But managing all this technology gives me a headache. Our parents only had to worry about TV time, and heck, I don't think they really 'worried' about that much at all - we didn't have cable TV at my house until I was probably 18, and there was only so much good TV available over-the-air on the black and white set in my bedroom. I don't even really remember watching a ton of TV as a kid, I'm pretty sure when I was their age it was only on Saturdays that we watched cartoons, Abbott & Costello, and whatever Saturday afternoon movies were on. We also watched "The Love Boat" and "Fantasy Island" at Grandma and Granddaddy Wenzell's house on Friday nights. We watched "The Andy Griffith Show" and "The Carol Burnett Show" at Grandma and Granddaddy Allder's house. I watched "I Love Lucy" after school, I think it came on at 4 p.m. I'm sure we must have watched "The Brady Bunch" at some point, but I certainly don't have any memories of it.

Now that we're parents, we have to manage "screen time" - television (shows on DirecTV and Netflix, plus all the DVDs we have), the computer, the iPad, and the kids' iTouches. These things? They are always available. UGH!

During the school year, the kids' screen time is pretty limited. On many school days, they don't have any screen time at all. Other school days it's limited to 30 minutes. On weekends, things are a bit more free - they are religiously up before 7 a.m. because we've told them that's the earliest screen time can start. Depending on what we've got going on, sometimes they have an hour of screen time on weekend mornings, sometimes it stretches out to as long as 3 hours.

We haven't really caught them "cheating" the rules except maybe once, which is pretty surprising. Of course there may be many times we're not catching them (LOL). I imagine that's going to happen more frequently as time goes by.

Lately Reed is all about the Minecraft video game, it's pretty much the only screen time he wants to have. He is also very into listening to a couple of podcasts. He got very into one called "The Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd" which is like an old-time radio show about time-traveling (includes some historic info too). It's about 8 minutes long and he blew through more than 700 episodes in probably a month's time. Then Tod downloaded another podcast for him, this one about Minecraft. It gives tips about playing the game mostly, I think. He's also super into watching YouTube videos, especially ones created in Minecraft where people play the games and then talk over them (don't ask me, I'm not a 10 year old boy!). As for that Nintendo 3DS he wanted for his birthday? Only gets it out occasionally.

Amy is probably most into getting lots of apps for her iTouch and Tod's iPad. She likes "maker" apps - making donuts, cakes, hot dogs (?), wedding makeup, dresses, etc. She still watches TV a bit, her favorites are "My Little Pony" and "Littlest Pet Shop" - which is great, but does cause her some trouble with other kids, who think those shows are for "babies". They make her happy, though, so we remind her that is the only thing that matters. She listens to Harry Potter books on her iTouch c o n s t a n t l y. She listens to them at bedtime and I swear she's got some parts memorized. She will sit and listen to HP though headphones while she draws or does her homework, in the car...pretty much whenever she can. It seems to relax her.

We wonder if we are managing their screen time right. I think they probably get more screen time than some other kids, less than some others....I guess that's about right. Parenting is all about doing the best you can, right?

Morning chuckle

This morning the kids were up early (as has become usual – definitely get that from the Larson side of the family). Reed was in bed with us and Amy came in and announced "I'm fully dressed, even socks!". Without missing a beat, Reed said "No, you're never fully dressed without a smile!"

P.S. "You're Never Fully Dressed without a Smile" is a song from Annie.

Extra grumpy Reed-o? Here's your solution...

Last Friday, I picked Reed and Amy up from their after-school program and Reed was super grumpy. The playground and gym time he usually is clamoring for ("Can you come back and pick me up later???" is one of the usual refrains) were suddenly no good.

 
We went home and prepared to go out to dinner at Moe's, a local restaurant – they were having a fundraising event for juvenile diabetes research. Reed grumbled and complained, even went down the stairs on his stomach, whining all the way about how he didn't want to go to Moe's (usually a favorite destination).

Eventually we made it to Moe's and the place was crazy crowded and the line was slooooooow. Reed continued complaining. Amy grumbled that it was too loud (which it was). We decided to cut our losses and just make our donation, then go eat somewhere else.

We went to Arby's, where Reed ordered a roast beef sandwich with double meat, and curly fries. Then he ate every single bit. And you know what? Then he was happy.

I have to give Tod credit for figuring this out about Reed a long time ago....if he is super-cranky, really out of sorts, then what he really is is HUNGRY. Give him food and he's like a new kid – well, like his usual self. It's pretty amazing.

Mornings....by Dad

With Reed in 4th grade and Amy in 2nd grade our morning routine works pretty well. The kids mostly get ready on their own, make their lunches and their breakfast. Often we don't talk much. Reed leaves for school when he's ready and then Amy and I walk to school shortly after. She is usually very chatty so it's a nice time. However...we have a little game that makes it memorable. The school librarian, Mrs. Lombardo, always stands at the school side entrance where Amy enters. Almost every day after Amy hugs me goodbye I say, slightly loudly..."Have a great day in Library!" Amy laughs and sometimes gets embarrassed and Mrs. Lombardo seems to like it. Sometimes Amy preempts me by shushing me or saying "blah-blah-blah" or something. But it's fun.

-Dad

Elementary, my dear Watson...

A month or so ago, Reed said he wanted to read Sherlock Holmes. Now mysteries are really not my thing - nothing against them, I just haven't ever gravitated to them. I figured why not, I'll get him the books.

I bought these two Sherlock Holmes compilations, with little clue what was in them. The books are each about 4 inches thick, and the print is really small.

What's turned out to be interesting....well, a few things have turned out to be interesting with our friend detective Sherlock. First is that Reed won't read the books on his own, he prefers to have us read it to him. This is highly unusual - our read-out-loud speed is entirely too slow for Reed 99% of the time. He'd just rather read on his own, so he can get done faster.

Second, these books are hard to read out loud! There are a lot of words that are hard to pronounce, or that we don't know the meaning of. There are lots of footnotes and endnotes in this book. That might be one of the reasons that Reed wants us to read it to him - it's a bit over his head. Heck, it's sometimes over our heads.

The third interesting thing is that both Tod and I have really enjoyed reading the book! Really a surprise to me, probably more than Tod. As I said, I'm not usuallly a mystery reader so it was a pleasant surprise to find the stories so appealing. Turns out there's something to this whole "Sherlock Holmes is a classic" thing.

The final item...well, imagine my surprise as I opened a new chapter to find Sherlock shooting up, and Watson inquiring...

“Which is it today? Morphine or cocaine?”

“It is cocaine. A seven-per-cent solution. Would you care to try it?”

Well now. Did not see that coming. Apparently everyone in the world except Tod and me already knew that Sherlock Holmes was a junkie. "Haven't you seen the movies?" they'd ask. Nope, not a one. Never read the books, never saw the movies. Thankfully Reed didn't seem too phased by this (of course, he has no frame of reference here). I just kept on reading and then delivered a "What Sherlock is doing is REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY bad" mini-lecture afterward. Holmes' explanation of his drug use is basically that his mind whirs so fast, and when he doesn't have a case, he can't handle the boredom, so he uses drugs. Well now. Just now did a bit of online sleuthing myself and discovered that these drugs were completely legal and commonplace in Holmes' Victorian era - that adds a new wrinkle that I guess we'll need to explain to Reed as well.

Never a dull moment!

Deep thoughts from second grade

Just found an old notebook from when Reed was in 2nd grade. He wrote a note to his teacher which said (among other things) "You help me learn in fall, winter, and spring, but not in summer. Summer I am all alone. I am my only teacher." Hysterical.

A way with words

Amy called our dog Shelby a "wacky bag of fleas" the other day. Where does she come up with this stuff?!

Still missing her

Kiki, Reed and Amy, on Amy's birth day

It's been not quite three years. Feels like forever and yesterday at the same time. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that my Mom is gone.

Today would have been her 62nd birthday. I hate that she is not here celebrating, enjoying her grandchildren. She loved them so very much. I miss her.

Getting all growed up

As time goes by, we see more and more signs of maturity in Reed. Thinking back to when he was a preschooler and gave us a hard time every single morning when we told him he had to go to the bathroom right away ("but I don't have to go!!" followed by...well, really having to go) and lo and behold, he just takes care of such things on his own now. Not too long ago - maybe a year? - daily showers resulted in daily fights about showers. Now he (mostly) showers exactly as frequently as we want him to. Hooray! When you're in the middle of daily fighting about such mundane activities as using the bathroom and getting clean, you think that perhaps it will always be that way - what a relief to know things pass!

And both kids are really great about making their lunches each day. Which is not to say that they don't grumble about it sometimes, but in the end they go ahead and make their lunches. And they've been doing that for a while! Some kids in 4th grade with Reed are still eating lunches made by their parents. Heck, Aunt Jennifer was even still making cousin Aly's lunches for her every day, until I think the 7th grade! The kids both know what constitutes a complete lunch, and they go about putting theirs together with a minimum of fussing, most days. We still have to remind them to make the lunches, but the making is all on their own. How awesome is that!?

Both kids are pretty much completely responsible for their own schoolwork - homework and quiz/test preparations. Other parents will say "Can you believe that math homework the other night! Took us an hour to get it done!" - well, we don't even know what the homework was, much less spend time participating in it. We feel the kids' schoolwork is just that - the kids' schoolwork. If they forget to do it, it's their grade that's going to drop, not ours. Sometimes I feel guilty for not knowing more about their studies, but I would guess I know a heck of a lot more about it than my own parents knew about mine. And I turned out okay, I think. 

Reed is even getting better about cleaning toys up when we ask him to. He seems to be really growing up this 4th grade year.

And Amy, well she's always been a bit more mature than Reed at the same age - I guess that's a girl thing. She is usually eager to help out and pitch in around the house when we ask - and sometimes she offers on her own.

These kids are pretty terrific!

Reading rituals

Reading together on Reed's 4th birthday.

Reading together each night has been part of our lives ever since both kids were tiny. And we didn't even truly know the benefits when we made it a ritual – once we got into elementary school, the teachers never failed to remind parents how important it was to read to your kids. We were always like "well of course we read to the kids!" We would switch off which parent read to either kid, and it was a lovely one-on-one time that we could all count on. I vividly remember little Reed, probably 2 years old, holding up one finger and asking "One more book?" even though we'd probably just read him 5 books.

These days it's becoming more rare for Reed to ask to read with us at night. Once he was reading more involved chapter books, he quickly realized that we were just slowing him down. So he retreats to his room and reads on his own – much more efficient for him. (Or he wants me to read comic book style books that have print that's too hard for my older-by-the-minute eyes to see.)

Amy has also come to the same realization that she can get a lot more pages turned if she reads on her own, but most days she still wants one of us to read to her (or she reads to us). It's a great way to keep involved with them and have something we can talk about, although some of the books she chooses make me a little nutty (the rainbow magic fairy series – don't even get me started – but she loves them!). I wonder how much longer before she sends us on our way too. Sigh.

We will just enjoy every last chance we get to spend this time together. And maybe one day it'll be a tradition they'll carry on with their own kids.

P.S. We have several pictures of other people reading to the kids – but not a single one of me reading with the kids. Let the record show that I read to the kids every bit as much as Tod did....disadvantage of being the family photographer!

Guest post from Dad

On Thursday, 1/31/13, I had quite and experience with the kids. Their after school program is called CASA.  Every year right before the NFL Super Bowl, CASA helps the kids put on a CASA Super Bowl. They assign 5th graders as team captains and play a football game in the school gym. The kids that don't play do other things like cheerleading, making posters, bringing snacks, make noise makers, put on a halftime show, etc. It's big fun. Parents are invited to watch but it starts at 3 p.m. so this year there was only about 6 parents there for the 40 some odd kids that are in CASA. This was the first time in 5 years that I could attend. It was inspiring to me to see all these elementary school kids participating in different portions of the game with minimal adult control. The teams played good football, scorekeepers did "mostly" good, etc. But it was clearly a kids run event. Kudos to the CASA teachers.

Anyway, Reed (4th grade) played football and did wonderful. He played as a good teammate and leader. He played defense, offense (QB and receiver). He showed great sportsmanship and hustle. He was encouraging players, laughing, high-fiving and having a ball. He threw 2 TD passes and caught 1 TD pass. All the while just having fun.

Amy, (2nd grade) however, I think stole the show. Through the whole game she was watching, cheering, playing with friends, "sneaking" out of the gym and generally have a great time. She dancing the cotton eye joe and macarana during halftime. She was one of four kids to hold he signs that the team ran through at the beginning of the game then she hustled to the stage to sing the National Anthem as a complete solo, using a microphone on stage in front of a gym full of her peers and adults. Her teachers said she was the only kid who volunteered to sing. All eyes were on her and she nailed it. She was loud, clear, confident and simply breathtaking.

Then I sat with Amy while we ate pizza after. I couldn't be more proud of our kids.

Happy birthday to me!

Last week was my birthday, and Amy spent lots of time making me two cards. She wrote the text of the card on the computer so she could really perfect it. Then she included it on one hand-drawn card and one she drew on the computer. These are most definitely my favorite kind of presents!

Traditions

Over Christmas, I asked Reed what his favorite Christmas traditions were. He said "Do we have any traditions?" What? We have about a million traditions for Christmas! I guess Reed just didn't connect the word "traditions" to the things that we do together every year to celebrate the holidays.

Let me think...

Christmas PJs!

• Putting the tree up the day after Thanksgiving
• Special new ornaments each year for the kids – this year Reed's was a flag football guy and Amy's was a tae kwon do girl
• New Christmas pajamas for everyone
• Driving around the neighborhood to see Christmas lights
• Family cookie day
• Visiting Santa
• Building gingerbread houses
• Baking cookies for Santa and leaving out carrots for the reindeer
• Christmas Eve Eve dinner with our family
• Christmas Eve gathering with the Wenzells
• Going to Poppy's church for Christmas Eve services
• Christmas morning breakfast with our family
• Christmas dinner with the larger family, always with Broccoli Casserole

And this is probably only a partial list! Anyway, I think he gets it now.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree

Over the holidays, Amy orchestrated a shopping trip for herself with Aly, Nikki AtLee and Nikki Mitchell. This is a girl who's (mostly) not afraid to ask for what she wants, so she asked for this trip and made it happen. Girls shopping day: set.

In the week leading up to the big day, she was eagerly planning how things would go down. She used the new iPod Touch she got for Christmas to painstakingly create this shopping list:

Her OCD mother couldn't be more proud. I can only imagine how much time she spent typing this out, getting it lined up right, thinking things through. I love it!

I know she gets these traits from me, but I swear I wasn't this organized when I was a kid. That only truly kicked in when I was an adult, I think. So is it more nature or nurture? Is she hard-wired to be organized, or did she learn from our examples, or maybe it's a combination of both?

Amy always wants to know exactly how things are going to go down. What time are we leaving? How long will it take to get there? Who's going to be there? How long will we stay? When I get home, do I have time to read before bed? I guess it's how she helps order her world, where things are so often completely out of her control.

I know these are skills that will serve her well!

So funny

The other day I was sorting laundry, as I've been known to do since I love to have a good time. Amy was getting dressed and came in to ask "Mom, are you still accepting laundry?"

Yes, indeed, I am still accepting laundry. On a continuing basis. :)